Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
