we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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