how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
