I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
