If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
