i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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