Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
