apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
