I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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