Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
