if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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