Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
