we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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