I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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