I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
