Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
