I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
