you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
