Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
