I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
