nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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