if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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