i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
