i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
