i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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