making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
