Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
