i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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