So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
