She is in my trunk
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
