he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
