im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
