I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
