One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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