you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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