No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
