The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
