you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
