i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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