You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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