Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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