he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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