Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
