This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
