while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
