You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
