he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
