Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize