I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Randomize