I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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