its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
