NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
