you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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