Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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