Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
