he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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