I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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