I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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