You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
