Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
