i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
