Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize