he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
