I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
