Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
