Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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