on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
