I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
