All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
