There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
