I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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