So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
