Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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