Moan for me like Helen Keller
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There are leaves in my underwear?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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