I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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