My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
